Hi blogger. yes im back. i know, after so long. i didnt even know that you changed. Well people really change, alot.
i can say im one of them. i think because as im growing older, i learn things better and i understand things better. and i swear i really wanna make things work out for my life.
im here because ive really got a heavy problem and i dunno who to tell and i know that now, no one reads my blog as i have the statcounter thingy where i can see who comes to my blog. so since no one has been coming, i can tell u my biggest problems without anyone else being able to read this. i just wanted to say this out somewhere and blogger is the only place that i could think off. i also dont know which friends i can talk to about this because i feel that im just bothering them and that they;re sick and tired of my problems.
HAIS! i know myself that ive not been turning to God. i mean, i only rmb him when i have problems. but i also thank him for the things that are happening in my life. what im trying to say is .. when i go to church, my heart is not there and im not enthu already unlike last time. i just go becasue my friends are there? or because i want to show face? basically, my heart is just not there anymore and i need help getting back to the lord.
what i relly came here for is to say out the HEAVY STUFF IN MY HEART!
ITS ABOUT MY FAMILY ISSUES
well honestly, even though im not that close to my parents, i still love them! i really envy families out there who are so loving and all and that they seem that they dont have any problems at all. I WISH I COULD JUST HAVE A SIMPLE LOVING FAMILY. hais, i really dont know what to do. both my sisters are also not the type of sisters that i want. yes i love them but not really for my older sister! i really HATE HER because she's just so immature and she cant think properly. if i list the things that she does, it would tke me forever. but seriously, i cant tahan her anymnore. she's too much. our relationship can never be back to normal. SHE'S JUST LIKE A PERSON WHOM IVE NEVER MET BEFORE. I CANT UNDERSTAND HER AT ALL! REALLY! MY HATRED TOWARDS HER IS DAMN HIGHHHHHHHHHHHH. I SWEAR.k and i hate myself for always feeling guilty everytime i "do bad things" to her. i mean she deserves it i know! but i think the saying goes, blood is thicker than water. but i still freaking hate her k!
and another issue is with money! cmon mom, YOU KEEP BRAGGING ABOUT GRADUATING WITH MASTERS DEGREE AND YOU'RE NOT EVEN F*CKING WORKING! whats the frekaing point of bragging that when ure just at home freaking watching tv the whole day?!
we've also had alot of arguments and all and i really hate it. you just dont understand me and u keep finding fault with me.
HOW THE FUCKING HELL DO YOU THINK I CAN HANDLE WORKING, STUDYING AND ALOT OF OTHER STUFF AT ONE GO?! IF YOU THINK ITS NOT ENOUGH THEN ITS UR PROBLEM!IM ALREADY DOING MY BEST nd youre not even satisfied with what im doing? you dont even ask me how im doing with sch1ool and hows my relationship with my friends, classmates and all. YOU JUST DONT BOTHER ABOUT ME! ALL YOU CARE IS UR FREAKING SELF! you always find fault with me even though its not my fault. when we have arguments u always think ure right and you dont even give me a chance to say what i feel. isnt this a two way thing?! its really not fair!
we're facing money problems and you know that. i think its all uir fault to why dad is suffering now. u really think he can do it all by himself?! WAKE UP MOM! its really too late for you to say anything! its all ur freaking fault!
BUT
on the other hand, mom is getting old and recently, she's been facing alot of chest pain and hand pain and many pain.
and of course i care for her but its just that its hard for me to show her that i care. so what do i do?
and one of mybestfriends just told me that she dreamt that my mother was dying.
OF COURSE AT THAT PERIOD OF TIME I REALLY FELT LIKE BREAKING DOWN!
I MEAN IF UR LOVED ONE IS GONNA DIE, YOU WILL FEEL TERRIBLE!
BUT i didnt show her laa.
I JUST KEEP MY FEELINGS TO MYSELF BECAUSE IM AFRAID IM ANNOYING OTHERS
but i really really relly feel so helpess!
i cant do anything and I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO
SO MANY THINGS ARE HAPPENING, i really need the direction!!!!!!!
what do i do?
WHATTHE FREAKING HELL DO I DO???????
HAIS HAIS HAIS
dad, pls continue to stay strong and endure all of this! i believe we can do this!
);
GOODBYE AND I LOVE YOU♥
1:29 AM
♥ Saturday, September 17, 2011
hello people i just feel like blogging now. hehe having hoildays now and i am enjoying myself enjoyed my camp last tues to thursday. adventure club for the win ! hehehe ouhkaye i dont know what to say now . hahahaha
my face is so black now, super tanned. but i loike ! hehe
alright thats all
buhbyeeeee
GOODBYE AND I LOVE YOU♥
9:28 PM
♥ Friday, June 3, 2011
I WANT SOMEBODY TO LOVE
GOODBYE AND I LOVE YOU♥
4:29 PM
♥ Monday, April 4, 2011
you think its that easy ? if ur just gonna tell me nonsense then just shut up. im tired of everything. dont come and mess it up more. if you really care , you wouldnt say that .
GOODBYE AND I LOVE YOU♥
8:25 PM
♥ Sunday, April 3, 2011
ive got no mood for anything. i just wanna die and end every misery . no one really cares . i tried to be strong and but everytime i do , it makes me feel more hurt . i hope my death day comes fast .....
whn i said ' no one ' , i meant it .
GOODBYE AND I LOVE YOU♥
8:21 PM
♥ Saturday, April 2, 2011
One day they led him up calvary's mountain
one day they nailed him to die on a tree
suffering anguish despised and rejected
bearing our sins my redeemer is he
hands that healed nations stretched out on a tree
took the nails for me
GOODBYE AND I LOVE YOU♥
6:28 PM
♥ Monday, March 28, 2011
LORD , bakit ganun ? ang hirap naman . alam ko na dati ko pa hinihingi na magkaroon ng pinoy na boyfriend . pero , bkit ngayon , may dumating nga sa buhay ko pero hindi ko naman mahal ? bkit kailangan may masaktan pa ? nasasaktan din naman ako eh . alam ko , pati siya nasasaktan kasi hndi ko siya gusto . pero ,nasasaktan din ako , kze parang kuya na siya saaken . oo , naging suplada ako sayo kze ayaw ko na makuha mo ung wrong idea . pero i guess , un na nga ung nagets mo. pero wala eh , hndi mo nman mapipilit na mahalin ka ng isang tao diba. at , kailangan ba na umabot sa ganito ? na iiwasan mo ako para hindi mo na ako ma miss ? pano un , mawawalan ako ng kasama , ng kausap pagmay problema , at ksama uminom ? oo ikaw ng ung tinawag ko kahapon kze feel ko lang . na maiintindihan mo ako at sasamahan pag may problema . na may makasama . pero bakit kze , na mahalin mo ako ? sana hindi nalang . haiiiii , ang hirap nga talaha ng buhay no . ANG SARAP UMIYAK ! PERO masakit din ...... ang sakit sakit !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I AM VERY SAD NOW !!!!!!! VERY VERY SAD ! AND MY TEARS ARE FALLING LIKE WATERFALLLLLL !!
GOODBYE AND I LOVE YOU♥
11:34 PM
♥ Tuesday, March 22, 2011
ok ive decided to blogggggg since ive got ntn to do here at KIYO . haha its like the slackest job ever laaa . im at orchard central kiyo and no customers are coming in. so ive brought my laptop to entertain myself . hehe so , ytd was hell at home . and id rather stay at work than stay at home . hhehe HOME IS HELL I SWEAR ! hhaha well whatever ! imiss philippines ! my cousins , my relatives !! sighhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh . and i don like u , i hope u get it ! haha ok think ill watch some videos in youtube , tata for now !!!! :D
GOODBYE AND I LOVE YOU♥
1:53 PM
♥ Thursday, March 17, 2011
I SERIOUSLY FUCKING HATE MT LIFE I SWEAR ! I HATE MY DAD !!!!!! FUCKING ASSHOLE ! I CANNOT STAND THE WAY HE TREATS US . HE THINKS THAT VIOLENCE IS SO COOL ? FUCK OFF LA , WE'RE JUST TOLERATING U COS OF UR FREAKING MONEY. IF I CAN , I WOULD LEAVE HOME BUT BECAUSE OF UR MONEY IM NOT ! I SERIOUSLY AM TIRED OF LIFE WITH YOU BOTH ! I AM ASHAMED TO HAVE PARENTS LIKE YOU . SERIOUSLYYYYYY , MY LIFE SUCKSSSSS AND YES I LOVE OTHER PPL MORE THAN YOU ! I'D RATHER HUG THEM THAN YOU . IDC IF URE JEALOUS OR WHAT BECAUSE I LOVE THEM MORE ! I AM SAYING THIS NOT BECAUSE IM ANGRY , I AM ALREADY COOLED DOWN BUT ALL THESE ARE STILL COMING OUT. IT JUST PROVES THAT YOU'VE HURT ME BADLY , ITS ACCUMULATED ALREADY AND I CANT LIE TO MYSELF ANYMORE. IF I HAD TO CHOOSE WHETHER YOU OR OUR LAST TIME MAID , I'D CHOOSE HER BECAUSE SHE UNDERSTANDS ME MORE THAN U DO ! I LOVE HER MORE AND THATS FINAL !
I HATE MY PARENTSSSSSSSSSSSSS !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
and i feel like breaking down , will u comfort me ?
GOODBYE AND I LOVE YOU♥
12:14 AM
♥ Tuesday, March 15, 2011
helloooooo, today went for medical check up and xray. it was supposed to be sent last week but i had no time as i had to go back ph . soooo ,rushed it today . went early morn . then afternoon went to watch movie with younger sis and her classmates. watched GNOMEO AND JULIET 3D . hehe it was nice but a bit short though.
after that was supposed to meet ryan to watch another movie, but then i didnt feel like watching anymore so i said no . sad case uh . but i really don wanna give him false hopes u see . so im trying my best to avoid him . haha so yea , maybe ill just invite him to church events since he's so dying to see me -.-
OH BEFORE THE WORLD ENDS , I WANNA BE WITH ALL MY RELATIVES IN PHILIPPINES. IN BAGUIO CITY , MY HOMETOWN <333
GOODBYE AND I LOVE YOU♥
10:11 PM
Yours Truly,
blogger
I am ELYSEE .
Read all you want , i wont stop you. (:
